You may be reading this title thinking oh boy… what’s she going to talk about now. Well let me just say I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface! I am passionate about intimacy. When I say intimacy I am not just talking about sex – yes you read that correctly! Intimacy actually involves more than just the physical it also involves the mental, emotional & spiritual! Often times in our world we get so caught up in the moment & in our electronics & dare I say we often forget about being present & becoming intimate with our significant other! There are so many things in our world that prevent us from having intimacy but if I am being honest, we actually prevent ourselves from being intimate because we choose to put other things first. Intimacy is being close with another person, it is coming home & putting your phone away to be present with that person.
I am not writing this because I have all the answers or because I am perfect at this because I can tell you that I am not! However, I do strive to always try to put Jon first, I strive to put my phone down in the evenings in order to be present with him & the list could go on.
Here are some ways & things that may help kickstart your way back into Intimacy!
Find a hobby to enjoy with your spouse besides sitting on the couch & watching Netflix. I get it, it’s easy & requires not a lot of attention, you had a long day & don’t have the energy & I could continue to come up with excuses. However, you know the saying I can’t afford to, well you can’t afford not to. This doesn’t mean that every night you have to do something but finding time to enjoy a hobby together will dramatically change how you spend your time at home as well.
Take time after work or if you have kids after they go to bed to talk about your days without the distractions of your phone, computer, or tv. Talk about your dreams, desires, hopes, hurts, struggles, and things that are on your mind. This is a person to share your heart with and in return allow them to share theirs. 99.5% of the time when we start are evening this way then we are less likely to just sit on the couch and watch Netflix.
Get in the habit of going on a date night weekly. No, it doesn’t have to be expensive & it can be as simple as a picnic in the park or going out for dessert after dinner. Get creative maybe one week you pick & plan the date night & the next week your partner picks & plans what you do. This also means you don’t have to worry about cooking or cleaning up dinner. And it gives you the chance to get out and enjoy doing something together!
Take time to connect with other couples. It is important to build a support system around yourselves.
Make sure that you have friends outside of your marriage! Your spouse can’t meet all of your needs & shouldn’t be expected to. Having friends outside of your marriage helps increase your ability to be more present with your partner because you aren’t relying on them to meet all of your needs.
Here’s the thing y’all if you are not connecting with your spouse outside of the bedroom then how do you expect to connect with them inside the bedroom. Intimacy starts when you wake up in the morning. You have to be intentional.
I want to leave you with some questions to ask yourself & your significant other:
- How are you connecting with your significant other on an emotional level?
- What prevents you from emotional intimacy with your significant other?
- What is something you can do differently in your marriage/relationship to foster good habits for Intimacy?
- What can you do to be intentional about being connected with your significant other?
- When was the last time you shared your heart with your significant other?
- When was the last time you listened to your significant others passions, dreams, desires, and fears?
- What are some things that you already do to foster intimacy with your significant other?
These are just a few questions to get you thinking! Try and be honest with yourself & one another.
And for those of you who still have questions, please feel free to email me and I would be more than happy to compile them (anonymously of course) and write a blog post to answer those questions.